i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
