I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
