ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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