Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
