I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
