I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize