her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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