is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
