9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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