Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
