New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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