I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
