I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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