My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
