from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
