ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
