This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
