Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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