I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you didnt know i had herpes?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
