He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
