FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
