My liver just broke up with me...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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