The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
