my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
