Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
