pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
