Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
