My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
