Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
