the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
