dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
