this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
