Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You're a waste of cheezeits
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
