My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
