The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
