Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
