I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it because I queefed?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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