I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
