my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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