so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
