she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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