Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
this boner is exhausting
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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