wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
