I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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