I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
