Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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