Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
