The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
