My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
