Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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