Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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