And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
