He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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