I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
