I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
