3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
