Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
