its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
