if you like me you must not know who I am
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
