Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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