i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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