we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Drake has all the answers
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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