You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
