john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
