Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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