the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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