just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
