Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
