The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
