i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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