I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
