i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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