If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
