apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
