wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Farmville is her only friend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
