Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
