So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
id be glad to
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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